Have you ever been in a place in your life when you were so low that you felt as though you were drowning, but you weren’t under water? Have you ever had so much heartbreak in a short period of time that all you did was beg God for something good? Have you ever gotten what you wanted and then realized it could be one of the hardest times in your life?

If you were to ask me these questions I could tell you that these feelings pretty much sum up the last year and few months of my life. You may look at this and think “poor girl, she really has it rough”. Not that I would disagree with you, but through this hard time came many blessings. I will share both with you…not because I want any pity…but because I want you to know that life isn’t easy, but God is constant and good and he will carry you through.

My dad died a year ago…seems like a repeating patter for my brothers and I to write about, probably because I never thought it would hurt so badly. I never knew that my life would change because my dad was no longer here on earth. I knew it would hurt and life would be different, I just didn’t know it was going to be like this. However, I don’t want to share all the yuck…I want to share what I learned, what God did for my family and I in this.

As we all hurt and cried and tried to cope the week after my dad went to be with Jesus, our family was flooded with food, visits, flowers, phone calls, and hugs. People that didn’t have to stop their lives to make sure we were ok. They spent time with us, just talking or listening, whatever we needed. 400 plus people came to my dad’s funeral, people were there to comfort us, to show us they loved us and were praying for us. As I sat in my mom’s Ford Explorer I watched as one of my best friends from college walked out the church doors…I knew he’d be there and God knew I needed him to be there. Then two more very important Chadron people walked out the church doors, two people that I never dreamed would come. God knew I needed to see his love through them that day…blessings on one of the hardest days of my life.

Fast forward about six months…I sat in my office at a job that I once loved, but couldn’t even find enough strength to keep children safe. My heart was broken even more than it had been…all my own fault. I drank too much and dated all the wrong guys…I put upon myself the brokenness that I felt. However, I knew that it was time for a change, not just a small one, but a large one. I spent all afternoon searching for a job anywhere but Sidney, mostly in Grand Junction. I found nothing and felt even more like I was drowning.

But then at about 10:00 p.m. there it was on the same website I had looked at least five different times that same day. A caseworker job for an adoption agency in Grand Junction, CO…I couldn’t believe it. The job I had been looking for all day and in the same town as my sister, brother-in-law and niece. I got to work right then, got my resume ready to go. I sent everything the ad asked for the next day. I prayed briefly (something that was hard for me to do at the time) but knew I would have to wait weeks before I heard anything. To my surprise I received a phone call the same day I faxed over my resume. Scheduled an interview for two days later and got the job a week later…I was getting out of what I felt was a trap…blessings when I was so weak I could barely see the light.

Even though I wanted to “get out” didn’t mean that it was going to be easy. I was leaving behind my life, a life that I loved. I would no longer have my mom two blocks away or have my brothers calling to see what I was doing for dinner or my co-workers (who were also my friends) to share in my life or my friends to go on walks with when feeling hefty. None of these people would be going with me, I would be going alone. However, while in training for my job god gave me two people that welcomed me into their home as family and a co-worker who would become a great friend…blessings in time of hard change and transition.

So I as reflect on the last year and few months of my life…all I can do is dwell on the blessings…not the hard stuff because God brought me through it all and he will continue to carry me. How special I must be to him to that he would bless me so much even when I wasn’t fully relying on him. How he does love us!

This entry was posted on Sunday, December 13th, 2009 at 9:01 pm and is filed under Author, Sarah Hall. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.