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Afraid of Me

So, last Tuesday I read this “letter” from a Christian in 2012 that Focus on the Family put out, talking about how life is in theory going to be 4 years from now if (at the time the letter was written) Barack Obama were to be elected President. The letter included predictions like home-schooling would be illegal, pornography would not be limited in any way, that all Christian doctors and lawyers would quit their jobs to hold to their convictions. It was all presented like some sort of pre-millenial left behind scenario. The gist of it was that if were Obama to be elected the country would literally go to hell. I read some other commentaries about it and basically sat in my self-righteous anger and grew more pissed-off every minute.

I went home at lunch and talked to my wife about it. About how ridiculous it was and how the thing that really angered me the most was how it was meant to make people afraid, afraid of “that” world and therefore they would vote for John McCain. I asked my wife if anyone has ever been truly motivated by fear. Why would someone try to get someone else to do something by being afraid?

And then she asked me the question that I should have seen coming, but didn’t…”You mean like we do?”

Nothing ruins a good fit of “righteous anger” quite like personal conviction.

Of course she was right…she always is…

To my embarrassment, that is my “parenting style” WAY too often. If I’m in a hurry (because my life is run by the clock), if I’m frustrated (because I can’t keep up) or it’s a day that ends in “y” and my boys don’t listen to me I find myself raising my voice or saying things like, “if you don’t stay in your bed, I’ll…”. Is that fixing anything? Is that going to do anything but maybe change the situation for the very short term? This isn’t going to get to their heart…and if it did, do I want my boys to be afraid?

All of this got me to thinking about my life and then going all “psychologist” on myself.

I began to realize that I am being the person that had been portrayed so many times in my life…I was being the person that I hate.

There are 2 main areas in my life where I have been ruled by fear.
I grew up in a church background that told me (brainwashed me?) that I would lose my salvation. I was afraid…every day…EVERY DAY…for like 15 years that Jesus would come back right while I was sinning or just had sinned and I would be left behind…that I would miss out. I never saw God for who He is…that He is love…I saw Him as the Judge. It didn’t matter how many times I was told about God’s love, it didn’t matter how many verses I read about it. All I saw, all I knew was that I needed to be “right” with God, that I needed to be constantly asking for forgiveness, therefore constantly focusing on my sin and being afraid.
That point isn’t whether you can lose your salvation or not, the point is do I understand grace and that it’s a gift of His love…that He loved me/us so much that He wants us to be with Him forever. That He made the way for me to be with Him. If I “accept” Him to avoid hell, to avoid punishment I haven’t accepted His gift…because I haven’t understood it.
1 John 4:18 says, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”

For the last 10 years (until 3 months ago), I worked at the same company whose management style is fear. I confused it at times with a lack of good communication or just “quiet” personalities, but if you keep employees in the dark, if you come into meetings or see people in the hall and you don’t talk and you give off this air of intimidation – that’s leading by fear. If the updates you give to employees are based on uncertainty and lack hope or encouragement, if you try to implement “culture change” starting at mid-level management but don’t attempt to fix the problems at the top…maybe you are afraid too…
That fear makes you work hard, makes you burn everything up trying to meet “expectations”, but it makes you hate your job, it makes you bitter, it makes you “follow” with a lack of respect. You don’t earn respect by leading with fear, because respect requires at least some sense of admiration.

There is no lasting change with fear…there may be some momentary change, but it won’t last. Eventually you are left with scars on your heart wondering what happened.

Leading means you are out in front, not cowering behind silence, behind your brooding quiet or your yelling…fear is for the trailer, the person who is insecure and wants to spread it, to drag others down with him instead of fixing the problem.

I wanted (ok, still want) to say shame on you Focus on the Family…

You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. (Matthew 7:5).

Shame on you, Brandon. You know better. You know how damaging fear can be, how it skews your view of everyone and everything.

I’m afraid I have some praying to do…check that…I’m not afraid

but I do have some praying to do…

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 18th, 2008 at 7:39 am and is filed under Author, Brandon Hackett. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

One Response to “Afraid of Me”

tim Says:
November 18th, 2008 at 11:37 am
Wow. Thank you for this timely and convicting reminder. Fear is so invasive and sneaky. Let’s move into God’s story for our life with boldness and faith!

Afraid of Me

One Response to “Afraid of Me”

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